Coffee Breaks
by Pulchritude
Summary: Ever wonder what all of our characters and the Dead Poets do when we aren't using them? Well, now you get to experience an insight to who they are as people. Not just the characters we know them as. Be afraid...Be VERY afraid...
1. Stories

_Hey Thyme, I know this wasn't part of the agreement but I made you into a character too okay?_

_I have her full permission/consent to make fun of her so no one get mad and start brandishing a sword in her name/defense because we have it all worked out._

* * *

It's hard work being a character. No really it is. I mean, _look_ at this place, oh wait you can't. I have to describe it to you first-see what I mean? It's difficult. Well, let's see…It basically looks like some low budget teacher's lounge with two doors. One that leads us into the wonderful world of Authors (some that know what they're doing and some that don't) while the other is for when we want to go hang out with other characters, get food-daily things. There's cabinets and sinks, the counter top I'm sitting on… coffee maker, water tower, piano, refrigerator and of course quaint windows with matching curtains, it's all very cute really, even the putrid colours of the lumpy furniture that have had assorted patchworks trying to cover how unappealing the upholstery truly is. Obviously, it doesn't do a very good job. It's all very homey though, a neat place to take breaks when we aren't working and all. Well, I mean…our movie has been done, right? Even if there were a sequel, we'd all end up here anyway.

Now we just work fan fiction, I've actually gotten some great gigs, none of them really bother me. Steven and I laugh about it mostly afterwards and despite popular opinion, on his off days, Cameron is a pretty neat guy. Don't be fooled, he _kills_ at poker. I don't think he's lost once, which is one of the reasons I always find a way out of playing him. I have an unblemished record too, Dalton pride! I'm not about to risk it. Oh, and while we're on this subject, Knox and Chris…they _hate_ each other. She threw a mug of coffee at him the other day and one of the X-men cleaned it up with a snap of their fingers.

You didn't know that? We get _all_ types in here. I've even met Legolas but this room, this room is exclusively for Dead Poets Society Cast members…and the occasional original character. Let me tell you, that Alice chick, she's the coolest thing to shimmy on the planet. Behind the scenes, she's actually dating Athos from the Disney Three Musketeers, have to hand it to her, they really balance the other out.

The door slammed across the room extracting Charlie from his day dream. "Hey Neil." He grinned. "What's cookin' good lookin'?" Neil just slumped against the door in a huff.

"Do you know how many times I've had to kill myself today? I've even had to be a ghost a few times." Charlie tilted his head and tapped the counter he was sitting on.

"Okay," Charlie smirked. "What would you rather do? Be a ghost or go for a fumble with Todd?" Neil just shook his head with a grin before dropping into a lumpy chair.

"That's not even half of it, Tusk of Thyme just updated and…I honestly don't think the girl knows what she's doing-did you see the next chapter of the Jigsaw thing?" Neil jumped up and hunched himself over, imitating Igor "Isn't everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact? Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth?" he began cackling madly as Charlie watched the display with a laugh as Neil righted himself. "I mean, what the _hell_ is that?" Neil couldn't keep himself from laughing in his confused manner. "You see Alice?"

"She's out."

"Oh I can't guess who with either." Neil rolled his eyes and Charlie shrugged. It was then a windswept Todd entered through the door in his robe looking very angry indeed.

"And I remembered my dream, what kind of crap is that-oh hey guys." He looked up at his two friends before looking at Neil. "Can you believe her? Then she leaves me, outside in the wind with the hem of my robe six inches in water from the damn grass. _Honestly_. The next time she comes in here, I'll give her a what for."

Todd Anderson. The boy we all know and love-well you wonderful authors, you _think_ you know Todd Anderson. Actually, it's Theodore "Food-Complex" Anderson but you only call him by his full name if you want to have a chair thrown at you. The funny thing about Todd, his hidden little quirk is that…the guy is _always_ eating and it _never_ shows. He has food hidden in places that I didn't even know a person could _have_. The robe he's wearing now, he could easily hide two bags of potato crisps, couple cans of soda and a limitless supply of candy and no one would ever know. I don't know how the guy does it! He also has a bit of a knack for borrowing things without permission and never giving them back…_if you know what I mean…_

"I thought it was actually kind of cool, the whole truth thing but I doubt anyone will get it-she doesn't even get it."

"Shut up Neil!" Todd was now raiding the refrigerator as Charlie watched the two work their duet magic. "You didn't have to _slipper_ down a hall or _mesh_ through grass-that is so…it doesn't make _any_ sense!"

"It's poetic!" Neil defended and Charlie snorted and stretched his arms. Everyone flinched when two loud cracks resounded through the space.

"Did you just _break_ your elbows?" Todd's head withdrew from the fridge with bread stuffed in his mouth wide eyes. "I think a _lot_ of authors are going to be really pissed if you did."

"It could be worse." Charlie shrugged. "And no. I didn't anyway. I appreciate your concern." Charlie had an eyebrow flicked high before he recollected something and laughed. "Did you guys hear about Steven and Gerard?" Neil popped his head over the top of the cushioned chair while Todd chewed on his white bread. "They're currently doing a one-shot and I think Gerard has to admit that he's in love with Steven." There was a beat of silence before they began laughing together. "You should've _seen_ Gerard's _face!"_

"Well, when you think about it," Neil cut in trying to be fair. "He need less time on his hands. I mean really, how many times can you go around singing all the songs to The Rocky Horror Picture show right?"

"You forget the _crucial_ point Neil," Todd pointed his half-eaten slice of bread towards Neil. "He can _actually_ sing."

"Don't know about dancing though." Charlie frowned sliding off the counter and igniting a small silence, save for Todd's eating.

"I think we should do one." Neil stated quietly staring at the wall.

"What?" Todd question through his mouth of bread and Neil turned back to look at the two of his friends, excitement evident on his face.

"Think about it! We get the interested authors to submit…himself or herself or an original character biography through a review or a private message and we make our own! We just need to get enough people interested!" Charlie and Todd exchanged considering expressions be fore looking back to Neil.

"Think anyone would do it?" Charlie asked sounding doubtful and Neil shrugged.

"At any rate, we have Thyme right?" It was then Todd began cackling evilly.

"Oh _yes!_ She has drugged me, made me live through angst filled _weeks_, made me gay too-put me through the death of my brother, made me make out with you-I think it's time for a little revenge on my part! I am _in!"_

I suppose now would be a fair time to point out that all of us are iced off from the whole dating scene. We don't have our attractions unless it's written. Otherwise, it's a room full of guys who are just hanging out. I'm not going to lie, I like the pretty girl passing through, but everyone's relationships here are professional-well best friend professional. We took an oath and there hasn't been any trouble since. It's those new original characters we have to watch out for…

* * *

_Just in case it wasn't clear, this was narrated by Charlie Dalton_

_Neil was serious about the whole author thing so, if you're interested PM us or tell in a review._

_Peace out!_

_PS_

_You can also tell us who you'd like to be paired with hehee_


	2. Orange Juice is Great

"Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me!" Todd, with a doughnut in his hand and a magazine in the other, ran through a stream of other characters, most of which shot him dirty looks. "Good morning to you too." He shot over his shoulder as he dodged the larger ones and slowed to a halt as a shadow loomed above him. Slowly he looked up and blinked. "Hi…can I get past you please?"

The marvel character looked down at him with a crazy look in his eye. "I am the Juggernaut, bitch!"

"Well, don't let _me_ get in your way or anything…" Todd looked at the hulking figure blocking his path and looked at his very unusual flat helmet. "Can you hear me at all in that thing?" as soon as the words got out of Todd's mouth, he realized it sounded like he had a death wish. "Just uh… curious and everything…" Now the Juggernaut looked somewhat pissed off as Todd began to edge away. "You _do_ realize you can't kill me right? I mean it's in no script that I've ever seen." Todd's mouth started to run dry and suddenly remembered the doughnut in his hand. "Uh, here," He held his breakfast out in one hand, offering a peace treaty, "Do you want it?" in response the Juggernaut roared loudly and Todd cringed as he felt the wind ripple at his clothes and push him back a few inches from where he had previously stood. "Okay. Never mind then." As soon as Todd had finished his sentence, he found himself in the air with an arm around his waist.

"Could you leave Juggernaut alone? He just had some wisdom teeth removed and is in no mood to be trifled with." Todd looked to his side and sighed.

"Sorry Peter-Spiderman…who are you right now?" Todd looked shortly confused, as Peter wasn't in his signature costume.

"I don't really care," He shrugged while he continued to swing through the hallway, eluding the characters in the way. "Can I drop you somewhere?" Todd nodded.

"What hallway are we in?" Todd asked referring to the alphabetical order they were put in.

"I think we're in 'L' now." Peter nodded as he looked at some of the passing doors.

"Could you drop me off at 'D' or is that too far away? I'm late as it is." Todd looked slightly embarrassed and Peter shrugged.

"Absolutely no problem." Peter shrugged as he whisked Todd away.

* * *

"He's late again." Charlie sighed lounging on the sofa and Neil just scoffed from his seat underneath Charlie's legs.

"Late for what? I mean, Cloudy was here but her ideas are funny-"

"Kinky!" Charlie interrupted with a yell triggering Neil to grab one on the magazines on the coffee table before him and smack Charlie in the head with it.

"Shut up. It's always right to the point anyway. Thank God she's one of the few people whose writing never takes long."

"Unlike _Thyme._" Charlie sighed as Neil raised his hand. "If you hit me again…I'll kiss you." Neil crinkled his nose and dropped his hand in defeat.

"You just wait Dalton…" Neil muttered into his chest.

"I wish she didn't hate me so much." Cameron cut in as he looked over the comic he was reading. "I understand _why_ and everything but…spilling Pea Soup on her was a _complete_ accident! How was I to know she was _right_ behind me!" at the kitchen table Alice just snorted as she painted her fingernails.

"Because she was talking to you, you moron." Alice and Neil exchanged glances before they sniggered together.

"Shut up Alice. I still don't understand why she had to hit me." He muttered before returning his attention back to his comic.

"Probably because you doused her in soup Cameron." Neil snorted and Cameron glowered over the top of him comic.

"You're mad at me because you owe me money in poker," Cameron pointed out and Neil looked sarcastic. "And anyway _Neil_ that was last night and Todd was _here_ then."

"Lord, what fools these mortals be." Neil and Alice spoke in an exasperated unison before looking back at each other and grinning at the coincidence.

It was then Toss stumbled through the door looking windswept and exhilarated all at once. "Thanks Peter!" He waved his friend off and watched Peter web his way down the hall. "That was so much fun," he laughed drunkenly as he tried to steady himself and Alice shook her head with a smile.

"Have fun with Spiderman?" She leered suggestively and Todd looked up to her, obliviously.

"Yes actually, I did," He nodded as he paused, catching his breath and eyeing his doughnut.

"You're late. Again." Charlie deadpanned and Todd just shrugged in response as he started to eat his glazed doughnut.

"Ook ab dish!" Todd started to wave his treasured magazine around wildly and jumped over the sofa where Charlie and Neil were sitting, narrowly missing the glass coffee table that more than once had the near opportunity of shattering into a million fragments. Charlie said it was ugly and a nuisance anyway, Pitts agreed with the many time he and Charlie had hit their shins against its glassy sides proceeding to swear at it obscenely each time.

"Ey posh-ed mm ehorial!" Todd jumped up and down excitedly. Charlie and Neil exchanged confused glances and the two of them looked to an Alice that was leaning on the back of the sofa they were sitting on.

"What's he saying Alice?" She was looking at Todd with a scrutinizing expression and started biting at her lip, trying to decipher his muffled shouts.

"I…I think he's saying "They posted my editorial," you know Todd, you're going to choke on your doughnut if you keep it up." Alice walked around the sofa and Charlie automatically made room for her to sit down. He remembered what had happened last time when he hadn't.

"Well its fine if he chokes right?" Cameron had put his comic down once again and was watching Todd on some sort of sugar high. "Because then you can give him the Heimlich and Todd can sue the place where he bought the doughnut from and get rich…" Cameron hesitated before looking back to Todd with a smug smile. "And then loose it all to me in poker. Which reminds me! I have yet to play you or Charlie in poker Alice, when should we set up the cards?" He grinned. "I heard you both had a pretty good idea of what you're doing."

"I am _never_ playing you Cameron, I know how you think-easily swayed by Charlie and you'll change a simple game of _poker_ into _strip_ poker. I know you will." She flicked some of her blonde hair in his direction haughtily. "I'm not going to put myself in a sexual position," She sighed lightly with a mysterious smile. "That I can't control."

"Hello!" Todd interrupted the stare between Alice and Cameron, turning all attention to him. "They _posted_ my editorial! My funny Olympics thing! It was _posted_! _Everyone_ will read it! Read it!" he thrust the magazine towards his three friends and Alice, being in the middle, reluctantly accepted it as three heads pressed together to read the small paragraph.

* * *

_Ah, what an Olympics. So many tales, so many legends. Forget the CGI and the lip-synching though: there are a bunch of batter stories that the mainstream media didn't report on, but which we smuggled out of the Olympic Green. Here are some of our favourites._

1. Michael Phelps can actually breathe water. It's true. If you went to the Olympic Green pool party on Sunday last week, you'd have seen Phelps show off swimming under water for 21 minutes, and do very strange gargling tricks with bottles of Moet.

2. Another Phelps story. He actually swam his final gold medal winning race that day in the spandex body suit worn by Korean weightlifter Jang Mi Ran. The pair hit it off the night before and Phelps put on the wrong pants the next morning. Speedo isn't happy.

3. The Canadian cycling team who got drunk and decided to get crazy Olympic tattoos, but forgot to change up enough cash and only had enough money for four rings.

4. A doping test on one of the Russian gymnasts returned results that he was actually made of rubber. This one is obviously sensitive as both Nike and Adidas are reportedly both racing to patent rubber compound knees and ankles and haven't told the IOC yet.

5. Softball is being dropped for 2012, reportedly because the US team was just too damn good for everyone else. The real reason was because half of the teams were populated by rich American softball playing, wig wearing, male executives who fraudulently paid their way into Olympic participation.

6. A similar concern for rowing, which is a desperate battle not to be dropped for London 2012. Despite British success at the Shunyi Lake, the sport has been described by top level officials as "Simply too dull".

* * *

Alice looked overjoyed and threw it over to Cameron who almost immediately started laughing. "You're brilliant Todd. You really are." She shook her head with a smile as Neil laughed in his dorky way. Charlie just lit a cigarette looking as amused as ever.

"Thanks Alice," Todd shuffled his feet, never quite sure how to take compliments before he pause and looked up at Charlie, completely scandalized. "You said I was late!" He accused and Charlie looked nonplussed.

"Yes I did and you were."

"Charlie!" Todd whined. "Why do pick on me? Steven, Gerard, Knox and Chris aren't even _here!"_

"You're absolutely right Todd," Cameron stood with his knees cracking and headed towards the kitchen area. "They aren't but they _were_. Pitts and Meeks went to get some snacks about and hour and a half ago while the other two were working on that One Innocent Day business." Cameron put himself on auto pilot and opened the cheap plastic-wood cabinets to get the quick and easy ingredients for Hot Chocolate and Todd sighed raggedly.

"You mean I missed Thyme _again?!"_ He asked incredulously and everyone nodded, eliciting a swear from Todd only to be interrupted by a chorus of loud and happy shouts from outside the door, attracting everyone's attention.

"what the hell is all of that?" Charlie stood as the door was thrown open.

* * *

All rights to Todd's editorial belong to: **SH **_Old Gold_


	3. Neon Pink Heels and Cherry Panties

_Hey Headintheclouds13, I hope this makes your pass-tense bad day a little bit better!_

_It may help if you guys have seen Almost Famous and/or Girl, Interrupted  
_

* * *

"Oh my God…" Alice blinked, not quite believing the scene splayed out before her. Pitts and Meeks looked like rabid fan girls had ravaged them. Vivid lipstick stains covered varying angles of their revealed skin and their shirts were each buttoned wrong and unevenly with their collars bursting open in a rumpled mess. Meeks's glasses were in danger of falling off the one ear it was hanging on, his other eye covered by a lacy blue bra while Pitts complemented him nicely with a pair of cherry panties shoved onto his head. Alice stifled her laughter and turned away as Neil continued to look scandalized. The bagel that Todd had in his mouth fell with a smack onto the floor and Todd's eyes unwillingly followed his food's path and gasped. Pitts seemed to be wearing a pair of horrid neon pink heels (accounting for one of the reasons he was being supported by two girls) that were far too small while Meeks was missing a shoe as they emitted their dying laughter and the girls around them were in chorus.

Charlie looked extraordinarily amused and had bright eyes that held a devil's grin. "Welcome, "He sprinted over and shook Gerard's hand as well as Meeks's with a huge grin. "Ladies!" He spread his arms open wide and then singled out a brunette. "Polexia," She giggled and he kissed her cheek. "Dearest, I can only imagine what you have done to these poor poor boys."

"I've never had champagne for breakfast before." Meeks announced in a cracked voice as he blinked awkwardly and the girl next to him cooed before kissing his cheek with a loud smack causing Meeks to blush with a guilty smile which caused her to coo delightedly again, repeating the whole process. Alice just shook her head and hid her smile as she exchanged a glance with Cameron who too couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"Lisa!" Charlie greeted the blonde in the middle of Meeks and Pitts. She smiled with a purpose written into her voluptuous lips.

"Charlie," She drawled. "It's been awhile." Charlie took her white and kissed her with a sharp eyebrow.

"Too long." He added and she looked royal.

"Far too long." Cameron just rolled his eyes as he returned to his computer and Alice watched Lisa with memories pulling at her mind. _How do I know that girl?_ Lisa wasn't dressed like the other three girls. Their hair was much longer and they had adorned themselves with shiny pointless jewellery-and a lot of it. Crocheted shirts and vest, velvet pants, really they looked like rock age hippies that believed in free love. In all possible interpretations of the word.

"Where's Penny Lane?" Alice asked, saving the piercing eyes of Lisa for later contemplation. The other brunette, the one that had been kissing Meeks, shrugged.

"Somewhere with William probably-what's up Alice?" Alice just smiled. She liked Sapphire the best out of all the Band-Aids. She was such a flamboyant hard-ass and the zaniest one by far.

"Nothing really. Been a pretty slow day actually. Thyme has taken us out a few times to work on some chapters that are in process."

"Yeah, that was fun." Charlie nodded with a sharp grin and Alice rolled her eyes.

"There is very little I enjoy less then being in a close proximity with _you_." Charlie faltered and placed a heavy hand over his chest.

"Ow my heart!"

"Other side of your chest dumbass." Cameron shot off not looking up from his sleek white laptop. Charlie flicked him off and looked down, realizing hi had his hand over the right side of his chest and not the left. "Technically your heart is in the _middle_ of your chest but for a physical metaphor's sake—"

"Shut up Cameron," Todd interrupted as he picked up his cinnamon raisin bagel and brushed it off before stowing its carbohydratey goodness back in his mouth and took a bite. "So, where are you girls from?" He didn't seem much interested for as soon as he looked back in the fridge he let out a triumphant whoop and pulled out leftover French fries. "_I call these!"_ In the background Cameron swore under his breath and glared towards Todd who had now put them in the microwave and binge-ate his bagel.

Two of them replied _Almost Famous_ and Lisa (simultaneously) said _Girl, Interrupted. _Alice snapped her fingers. The title of where Lisa came from was familiar but not something, she had read or seen. Not yet anyways. It was odd, the way Charlie was edging slowly away from Lisa in a way no one would notice at first glance and how sharply she was looking him over. A definite cat and mouse situation.

"He taught us all the moves to Rock Horror Picture Show!" Polexia added with a beaming smile as Sapphire nudged a beaming Pitts. "My favourite one is Rose Tint My World!" The two _Almost Famous_ girls looked at each other and shouted,"_pool orgy!"_ Before bursting into giggles and Lisa looked amused.

"I still won the wet T-shirt contest—"

"_Hold on!"_ Neil interrupted Lisa with his arms waving wildly as Todd looked over his shoulder towards Lisa with new found admiration. "How exactly did this all start?" he asked, scrunching up his face, dreading what answer he may receive as Alice nudged him with a Cheshire cat smile.

"Well," Polexia began as the girls escorted Pitts and Meeks to comfortable seats on the lurid furniture. "We three—"

"Shall meet again!" Todd cackled pretending to be a witch after he shut his French fries in the microwave. His mockery cause Sapphire to promptly pick up a china figurine and hurl it at him, missing by a few inches as it exploded into a rain of white dust and china shards.

"Hey!" Cameron hastily shoved his computer aside and ran to Todd's feet. "That's my Mother's!"

Sapphire smirked at Todd's cringing frame "_Was_ your mother's now—"

"Fuck that!" Todd looked around wildly. "She tried to _kill_ me! Did you guys see that?!" Alice nodded with a lack of sympathy as Cameron begrudgingly picked up the shatters of his mother's porcelain figurine as he muttered swears under his breath.

"Don't be such a pussy," She sliced in a jaunty fashion. "I mean _really,_ it's not like it _hit_ you or anything-but anyway, so Polexia and I were talking about Michael Phelps at the snack machine at the juncture between hallway D and E-"

"Why were we over there again?" Polexia scratched her head before falling on the sofa with Pitts and giggled when he started brushing her hair off his face. Polexia and Sapphire exchanged glances as Lisa smugly pulled a paling Charlie to the matching horrid looking love seat.

Sapphire shrugged. "I don't remember and it doesn't matter-anyway Michael Phelps—"

"Hot." Polexia interjected and Sapphire rolled her eyes.

"Well yes _duh_ Polexia but anyway, we see this tall guy who looks kind of like Phelps!" She exclaimed as Polexia squealed, hugged Pitts and Meeks sighed, feeling left out. A noise that Sapphire notice and skipped over to his seat, standing behind him and began fussing with his hair. "That's pretty much our story."

"Sapphire suggested we deflower the kids, Lisa was getting water at the time at one of the machines and then Sapphire pointed at the both of them and screamed at the top of her lungs _your time has come!_ And the rest is history." She sighed happily, as Neil slapped a palm to his forehead.

"Do you regret asking yet?" Alice nudged him with a sharp smile and he nodded.

"Yeah I think I do."

The ding of the microwave finally ended Todd's panic attack and he protectively cradle the leftover fries to his chest, picking out the longest one he found and sniggered at how mushy it was and set about the business of seeing if he could straighten it out.

"Oh by the way Alice," Polexia sat up on Pitt's lap while Charlie flinched under Lisa's touch. "I can fully recommend Pitts," the cry of Todd's triumph extracted everyone's attention for a split second and everyone saw the marvel of a straight mushy French fry. "Definitely Phelps's class in length!" She giggled as Pitts turned red and Alice scrunched up her face. It was then Todd winced and his French fry fell limp simultaneously.

"Thanks, thanks a lot for putting me off my food." He snapped in her direction as she giggled again.


	4. Thyme's Seizure

_Points to whoever knows where this comes from XD_

_Hi by the way, I have survived!_

_

* * *

  
_

Todd bit his lip before opening the door and began to pick at his navy blue shirt unable to rest still. Neil had been avoiding him for _fifteen days_ and it left Todd feeling more estranged then ever before. Maybe it was a sort of test, Neil wanted him in the club but he _had_ said that Todd had to do more then just _say_ he was in, he had to actually act upon something. Todd sighed placing a light hand on the plain wood door supposing whatever he was going to do was going to end up being related to Carpe Diem and that should count for _something_. With a last look around the barren hallway with a guilty look, he pushed open his shared room praying he wasn't going to loose his nerve.

Neil was sitting on the window ledge staring out into the void while the afternoon sun lit his features delicately. He had also seen Todd enter through the reflection of the glass and almost simultaneously felt the bubbly heat rise in the pit of his stomach and cursed himself for it. He rubbed his temples and Todd watched him quietly sitting on his bed. _Why is he here?_ He still needed time. Time to test, think, evaluate, re-evaluate and finally conclude. _Conclude __what_? It all sounded decently simple but, it wasn't. There was hardly anytime to breathe in this school. Class after class, assignment after assignment, not to mention the outrageous scrapes Charlie would push people into and the fighting Cameron always seemed to start. Then there was Todd. Most of this was around Todd and Neil needed room.

He rose from his window seat and saying nothing he turned away from Todd making his way to the door. His mind a complete blur, or pit, or his mind falling into a pit, either way, Neil's soundless rejection set off panic. In his rapid onset desperation, he almost instinctually reached out and grabbed the hem of Neil's loose red tartan shirt.

"Neil, wait!" He spoke with urgent clear in his voice. "Please, d-don't go, not yet…" He half pleaded, nonetheless Neil stopped with no reply, still feeling Todd's tight pull at his shirt. Through the thick silence that smothered the room, Todd lost his nerve proceeding to reluctantly let the red fabric slip soundlessly from his grasp and his hand return limply to his side.

"Todd I need to go—" Neil spoke fast only to cut himself off. _I somehow feel I deserve to feel uncomfortable right now..._

He shook his head, a hand immediately at the base of his neck in a fidgety fashion waiting for whatever was to happen next.

"Why are you avoiding me Neil?" At this, Neil mentally swore and clenched his hands mistakenly scratching the back of his neck with his fingernails and let out a hiss and checked a few times if he was bleeding, each time increasing the sting.

"Ah, ow. I'm not avoiding you."

Todd blinked at him and crossed his arms. "Bitch. Yes you are." Neil froze momentarily and recovered so smoothly, it was like chocolate sauce on ham. Neil jutted one hip out and snapped his fingers in Todd's face.

"Oh don't even _go_ there girlfriend, d'you think I'd been seen anywhere with you in that _JAMF_ suit?" They looked at each other, both twisting their mouths in shapes to avoid everything but a smile and Todd turned away.

"Bitch please, to be honest, _I_ was avoiding _you_. You damn executive action transvestite."

"Hey!" Neil yelled at him defensively. "It took me many…uh…many long years of toil, sweat, bras and wedgies to achieve such an honorary title!" Off-story Thyme had slapped a hand to her forehead as Neil and Todd continued.

"Watevah! Wateva! I do wha I want!" Todd waved his hands in Neil's face with a sassy attitude before he crumpled and looked as if he was about to cry. "I still just can't believe you told me that my twin sister was prettier than me!" And he exploded in to loud, dry and over-dramatic sobs. Neil moved towards him with a consoling hand and suddenly changed his mind.

"Well why don't you work out so you look like her?" Todd couldn't contain some appreciative laughter and masked it, looking up at Neil, taking him completely off-guard with what he did next.

Right now, I, the narrator in the voice of Charlie Dalton, will explain one of the best advantages of being a character. Remember in chapter one when I explained about the two doors? How one leads to the magical story world? Well, you see us characters have a certain power in our own domain that never is exercised in the "formal" version of the story that's uploaded on to . This is why we love Pulchritude; she's the only author that cuts us some slack. The "story world" to us is a bit like the Imagionationland of South Park meaning that we can conjure up whatever we want, whenever we want. It's a fearsome power to bestow on teenage boys, I know. It's also one of the reasons Thyme has so much trouble writing. Anyway, back to the story.

Neil found himself in a bikini top and denim mini skirt with small, _very small_, pigtails in his hair. "I said it before, and now I mean it. Bitch." Todd however, couldn't breathe he was laughing so hard.

"You look so painfully hot!" Todd managed to get out in between his constant laughter and Neil glared.

"So you think this is _funny_ do you?" He growled and suddenly Todd's incessant laughter was cut off and he was frozen within a block of ice, looking utterly horrified. Neil gently patted the ice wit a sympathetic smile. "Talk about _brain_ freeze…" He smirked as Todd's eyes swerved in his direction, silently cursing blue murder at him. The ice block cracked and flew in an explosion on places as Todd fell to the floor on his hands an knees, panting and shivering heavily.

"I am going to bestow the greatest, the absolute _greatest_ punishment I could ever inflict on anyone…" Todd panted as he looked ruefully up to his smirking and confident opponent.

"Do your worst." Neil challenged with a shrug of his bare shoulders. Todd grinned and remained silent, looking up to Neil with sharp eyes. All of a sudden Neil froze, his eyes widening and his hands suddenly pulled back at his hair and he threw back his head screaming, "**NOOO!!! OH GOD! OH GOD NO!! OH GOD NO IT BURNS!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!! WHY GOD? WHYYYY?!**" he began running around in circles, clawing at his head as Todd sat on the floor completely satisfied. There was nothing worse then having Pussycat Doll's _Don't cha_ stuck in one's head.

"Reap it Neil, reap it." His victory was short-lived however as he felt a sharp pain where his ear normally was. "O wow owowowowowowowowowowowowow Thyme! Let go!" She dragged him up by his ear and deftly caught Neil's and dragged the two Off-story and to the door.

"You guys," She glowered, "Are the bane of my existence," The listened to her, wincing and eyes watering as she continued to lambaste them into submission. "I have reviews, few but _still_, _reviewers_ telling me to update my Dead Poets Society stories, I just _deleted_ my Young Guns one but those cowboys were a hell of a lot easier to deal with that _you_. Now," Her tone turned sweet and sugary as she wore a sharp smile that would send the sane running for the hills. "You guys, need to get your acts together or so help me _Austen_ you two will become the next Vincent Van Goghs!" and with that, she promptly threw them through the door an stomped off angrily. _I need some goddamn ice cream._

_

* * *

  
_

_Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me  
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me  
Don't cha, don't chaaaaaaaa  
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me  
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me  
Don't cha, don't chaaaaaaaaa_

_You know it's the truth…¬ ________¬_


End file.
